On Relationship, Commitment and the Return to Self
It’s a common misconception - two people meet, commit to a journey of exploration together, and then define themselves as being in a relationship. Later they say, “our relationship began on such and such a day” Later still they may say, “our relationship ended on such and such a day”. Yet none of the above is true!
A relationship can neither be begun, nor ended, for it already existed independently to those between who it resides, and whether or not they ever meet. It’s a resonant entity, brought forth of an inevitable meeting, a synthesis reflecting the chorus of two people born, alive!
Accurate is to say that we discover relationships on our journey through life, as we may fruits, found growing upon a tree.
Relationship is the “third”, and that which two or more may interact with, independently of each other. Coloured by the prism of perception, either party may interpret experiences regarding the relationship itself, projecting onto it, as well as subjectively interpreting and analysing themselves with regards to it and in regard to each other as well.
When people identify with a relationship then of course they can accurately say, “we are in a relationship”, which in itself, essentially translates as, we have lost ourselves!
It is only by acknowledging relationship as that other, existing in the space between, that we may remain individuated and become more self-aware.
Committing to a relationship is often confused to mean surrendering ones free expression; being bound by some ideological set of rules and expectations about how to, and how not to, behave; bowing to imperatives to act upon certain impulses, and others to deny or supress.
How different it looks to commit instead to meeting with honesty the longing of relationship itself, and in the same measure remain open to all relationships, and between all things. To bring awareness to the rich tapestry of felt sense, emotions, desires and fears – to dare to express that which we find un-beautiful as well as that which attracts us and we adore.
Relationships acts as a teacher, inviting we awaken more fully to an - other, by propelling us deeper into ourselves.
In order to engage healthily with relationships and to discern their true nature, our primary commitment must be to the fullest expression of being. Surrender to the consequences of this commitment guarantees whatever occurs is most aligned with that which ultimately benefits us, and therefore, benefits all life.
Such a commitment may or may not mean a sustained connection with those people we currently share our time with!
By revealing the honest expression of ourselves, we attract those people that essentially serve us and repel those that no longer do. In the absence of such an undertaking then there is every likelihood we’ll instead stagnate at a stage of development, remaining engaged in relations whose only benefit is to constantly seek to awaken us, through sustained dissatisfaction, to that which we long to become, and have not yet successfully integrated into our lives.
It can be challenging, to let go our delusions and face the truth of who we are. The rules we learned and adapted to, being designed to influence our showing up in ways that we believed would enhance our chances of being accepted, loved, and nourished. Yet such adaptations often restrict our fuller realisation and the expression of our greater nature.
It’s simply not possible to be fully alive while, metaphorically speaking, standing on one leg. We tire, and eventually fall… or at the very least, we find ourselves destabilised, pushed over or kicking against the world.
There’s value in a deeper enquiry, to ask, “what it is that I’m holding on to that could ever be more important than the fullest expression of that which I am?” And, “what is it about myself that I imagine I would prefer not to be?”
To aid us in this epic journey back to that which we always were, we can become alert to tides of attraction and repulsion. By embracing consciously this fluxing field, we meet the rules that bind us and discover the edges that until now have defined us. Owning our judgements, both positive and negative, we are faced with a possibility to reintegrate that which until now maybe, we’d perceived as other than ourselves or ignored.
Relationship itself… simply is, yet Life is complexity beyond comprehension. We are but one portal of observation within a field that is both observer and observed. This “I”, a transient, personalised resonance, within the soup of life’s perpetual song. Our identity a localised experience of all-ness, swaddled in the whisper of all things.
These relationships alive in between us reflect a synthesis of our unique expressions of being. Particular characteristics expressed to particular degrees, reflecting our naturally arising identity and inviting our most spontaneous and un-adapted emergence.
In truth we are free – always were - and in wakefulness may enjoy the perpetual bloom of relationships as they blossom vibrant as flower meadows, with all colours and scents in between.
Relatedness is a journey home to ourselves, a commitment towards a process of forever becoming the fuller expression of loves longing. Constantly we are called to awaken to the slippery fallacy that our completion relies upon the possession or owning of another, for sooner or later this too shall pass.
Our attractions are ultimately signposts, guiding us home to ourselves. Relationships a living catalyst, a reminder, that within we’re eternally whole.
Picture: Friendliness - Osho Zen Tarot